Check out what this full-time nurse is cooking up just for you by clicking the video below.

You can find Trois Filles Scentual Scents some Saturdays at the CNY Regional Market or online at Trois Filles-Scentual Scents – Candle Store (troisfillesscentualscents.com)

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I’ve always been a busy body. I inherited it from my mother, who got it from my grandmother. Now, I watch my three-year old daughter carry on the family trait. She is always moving. Yet, her twin brother is content to just… chill, like his father.

Being a full-time mom, working from home (most days) while managing a department, juggling zoom calls and twin toddlers who need attention every waking moment, and serving on three boards, I’ve had to learn to put myself in timeout. I’m discovering that I like the peaceful, quite moments. Plus, I no longer look like Jack Nicholson holding the ax in the latter part of the “Shining”.

Here are some simple steps I take to maintain my inner peace in order to put out positive energy into the world.

1. Be Still. Sometimes, all it takes to recharge, is just to lock yourself in a room for 10 minutes (or longer), with no TV, no phone, no music – and just breathe. Take deep, slow breaths. This is hard for people like me.
2. Remove the Toxic. Whether it’s a person, place, or thing – if it’s toxic, get it out of your life! Toxic people, jobs, situations, only bring you down, make you question your worth and can lead to a road of depression. If it brings negative vibes/energy, drains my energy, or brings me down I dismiss it from my life, or at the very least, I distance. People come into your life for a reason and sometimes, only for a season. Learn from the experience and then move on.
3. Be Easy. I’m extremely hard on myself. The house isn’t clean enough. I didn’t follow through on XX projects fast enough. I haven’t met my physical goals. I haven’t challenged my children enough. The dog doesn’t get walked enough… The list goes on and on. I’ve had to learn to back off of myself and just BREATHE. My aunt sent me a sign to hang in my house that says, “Good moms have laundry piles, sticky floors, dirty ovens, and happy kids.” She didn’t know it but I needed to read it at that time. I’m learning to do what I can, while I can. If I go to bed and have two more loads of laundry unfolded or unwashed, what’s the harm in leaving it? I know I’ll get there… eventually. But harping on what I haven’t done or how inefficient I am, just raises my anxiety and stress level, which isn’t good for the energy I give off as a mom or as a wife.
4. Learn to say “No!” This one is really hard for me. I feel like everyone expects me to be superwoman, so I never say no…  serving on this panel, speaking at this engagement, volunteering at that food pantry, serving on this and that board, knowing I was taking on too much but not wanting to raise the white flag because I was NIKITA! I DON’T FAIL. I GET STUFF DONE! If you are like me, you always want to help, and don’t want to disappoint. However, I realized that when I take on too much, I’m on edge at home and bringing an imbalance to my family. I’m working on it. So, I’ve started to cut back, by withdrawing from some of my volunteer activities, politely declining new ones, and taking things slower pace that works for me, for now.
5. Meditate. If you know me, you know God is the center of my world. I’ve heard that praying is when you talk to God, but meditation is when you listen to God. This is near and dear to my heart because meditation centers me. It’s the one time that my mind quiets down and I force myself to sit still. I connect with the world on a spiritual level and truly feel God’s love and direction.
6. Be a Blessing to Someone Else. “To whom much is given, much is expected” (Luke 12:48). If you’ve been blessed, pay it forward to someone else. When my twins were born, we had so many friends and family giving us baby clothes, toys, gift cards, etc… So when we no longer needed these items, instead of selling them, I gave them away to someone else who could use them. You’ll help someone else and feel good at the same time. Click here for 6 Types of Kick@$$ Charities You’ll Want to Know More About.
7. Do what makes you happy. I used love dancing! Being so busy and trying to adult, I forgot all about it, until I spent my last birthday during the COVID shutdown this past summer. After the cake and presents and my family went to sleep, I stayed up and played old jams from college and danced my butt off. It felt so good and I realized how much I missed that feeling – going to Salsa nights in various cities – and how much joy dancing used to bring me. So, now I play music with my twins and have dance parties on a regular.
8. Walk (exercise.!): I’ve always been physically active. As an adult, running is the activity that I circle back to but I’ve been finding my Zen by walking my dog at least 30 minutes around the block lately. Maybe it’s just me, but there is something about walking in the rain with my dog that just calms me. Pop in your ear (or air) pods, play your favorite music and walk it out.
9. Get a massage. Oh euphoria. I’m living for massages again. It’s my time to let someone pamper me and rub out all of the stress knots that have been building up in my back and shoulders. Okay, so sometimes I snore my way through them, BUT my body certainly knows it’s being relieved of stress and I return home one happy and chilled out mama. Yes, these can be expensive but worth it. They make great Christmas gifts. Plus, some are also found at a good discount on GroupOn.
10. Be grateful. We are not promised tomorrow or the next hour. Life isn’t perfect but one thing it teaches us is that the rain brings rainbows. There are sunny spots in our lives that we need to be grateful for – physical health, clothes on our backs, having someone that loves us, or just having breath in our lungs. Think about what you are grateful for each day. It makes a difference. 
11. Let it Go! I know. Easier said than done, right? There is a song from the 90s by Toni Braxton (yes, I’m dating myself), called Let it Flow. It’s all about letting go of the pain and negativity that may be holding you hostage. Whether it’s a lover’s quarrel, a family dispute, friend drama, work anxiety, or whatever “just let go, let it flow, let it flow…” We can only control what is within our grasp. We can’t control anyone else. Do the best you can, take a deep breath and know everything is going to work out as it should. You only hurt yourself rehashing and holding onto drama. Life is too short. Smile. Work out what you can and move on. You will find that everyone else is ready to move on as well.
    
    

The post 11 Ways to Protect Your Peace first appeared on Xochoble.

“Use your time to serve the world and you will find that it serves you.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

“Life’s most persistent and urgent questions is what are you doing for others.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Philanthropy, charity, giving voluntarily and freely… call it what you like, but it is truly a jewel of an American tradition.” President John F. Kennedy

“Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.” ~ Albert Einstein

The most memorable and successful people throughout history gave back. Philanthropy makes the world go round and I try to do so every time I have a chance.

In the past, I would donate my clothing and gently used household items to a local charity that would sell my items to the public, to make a profit. There is nothing wrong with that. Overtime, I realized that I wanted my belongings to be given to someone who really needed them but may not have the funds to pay for them, no matter how cheap they resold for.  

Here is a short list of various types of community organizations I feel we need to hear more about, that are doing a kickass job at helping their demographics.  Note: Below I’ve provided names of specific charities, but you can find these type of services under different names in other communities across the country.

1. YWCA – The YWCA is the oldest (1885) and largest multicultural women’s organization in the world. Eliminating racism and empowering women is what this dynamic organization is about. The YWCA provides safe and affordable housing for low-income women and their children; affordable Youth Development programs that create safe, gender neutral, places for kids to play and learn; racial Diversity programming to create a more just and inclusive community; education and training to ensure economic security; enrichment programs for girls to grow healthy, strong, and confident. Women go to the YWCA in times of crisis, as survivors of rape or domestic violence. They go for job training, career counseling, childcare, health and fitness. They go for a variety of reasons and leave with renewed spirits, new skills, and stronger lives.
   • What they accept: They accept gently used women clothing, clothing for kids of all ages, diapers, household furniture, monetary donations, volunteers, and program/event sponsors.
   • How did I learn about it? I served on the Board of Directors of the YWCA Syracuse Onondaga County.
2. David’s Refuge – David’s Refuge provides resources and support to parents and guardians of children with special needs or life-threatening medical condition. It is devoted to serving families who care for some of the most vulnerable members of the community. They want caregivers to know they are not alone, what they do matters, and that God and the community love them. It takes a special person to devote all their time an energy to someone else 24/7, even if it is your flesh and blood. Organizations that are a resource for caregivers need to be applauded. We know about the one going through health issues, but we forget about the people helping to keep them alive and function.
   • What they accept: Monetary donations and volunteers.
   • How did I learn about it? My colleague is on the board. Plus, when my mother became my father’s caregiver, it gave me a newfound respect for the services they provide.
3. The Q Center – How often do you hear about an organization that helps LGBTQ youth that have been discarded by their families because of who they are? How often do you hear about support centers for families that are working to understand what LGBTQ youth are going through? Well, that’s what I love about the services that are offered by The Q Center in Central New York, a program under ACR Health. It is a safe place for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning youth, their families, and allies to gather. Q Center programming seeks to promote equality, celebrate diversity, and create a safer, more accepting, and inclusive community for all.
   • What they accept: They accept monetary donations, clothes (business clothes are in high demand for teens going on job interviews), household furniture, and volunteers.
   • How did I learn about it? A dear friend of mine pours her heart, soul and funds into the Q Center.
4. Volunteer Lawyers Project of Onondaga County  – The Volunteer Lawyers Project provides free legal information, assistance, and representation in civil legal matters to low-income families and individuals, or those who make a specific annual income. Services are provided by volunteer attorneys (sometimes with the help of law students) and supervised by a small staff. They provide equal access to justice to those in need.
   • What they accept: They accept volunteers and donations.
   • How did I learn about it? I’ve personally witnessed the success of these attorneys who volunteer their personal time to ensure everyone has access to strong legal representation.
5. Dismas House Nashville – Imagine spending years in prison and getting released into a new world with no support? Welcome to the services of the Dismas House. Named after the second thief on the cross, crucified along Jesus, who accompanied Him to paradise, the Dismas House provides shelter, food, and clothing within the first 72 hours following release. The services they provide greatly increase the likelihood that their residents remain free forever, including housing and basic needs in a family atmosphere, clinical support, case management, life skills in action, financial empowerment, housing and basic needs.
   • What they accept:
   • How did I learn about it? My father joined this board several years ago, through him, I learned about so much of what they do for people who have been incarcerated.
6. Community Centers – A former colleague of mine once pointed out that the more advanced and prosperous parts of a community cannot thrive until the poorest corners of that population has its needs addressed. He is so right! Community Centers are the backbone and support centers for family and youth in urban and underprivileged neighborhoods. They are designed to help uplift and provide recreational and educational resources to the community, including educational programs, nutritional programs, health and exercise, art & creativity, tutoring, childcare, sports, after school programs, career planning and college prep.
   • What they accept: They typically accept volunteers, monetary donations, and program/event sponsors.
   • How did I learn about it? Early in my career, I worked at the Ernie Davis Community Center (yes, named after THE Ernie Davis, SU and Browns football player) as a Career Educator before becoming a television news reporter.

The post Six Types of Kick@$$ Charities You’ll Want to Know More About first appeared on Xochoble.

While at home during New York on Pause, New York State’s shutdown during this COVID-19 pandemic, I had a list of projects I wanted/needed to get done. One of them included ridding my world of weeds! I had asked my husband, Erik, to do something about the dandelions and crabgrass that had taken over our lawn. Every time I was outside playing with the kids on our lawn or even if I just looked out the window, I would get so irritated at seeing those weeds! It seemed like every yard in my neighborhood had lush green grass and NO DANDELIONS! So why did we? What were they doing that we weren’t?

And then we saw it! While watching the news one night, a commercial came on for Scott’s Turf Builder Weed & Feed. I went out and bought a bag that week. Then, it sat in the garage for THREE WEEKS! I got tired of nagging him about it, so one night, after we put the kids to bed, and Erik was busy working on a project for work, I was determined that I was going exterminate those weeds once and for all!

I’ve always prided myself at being able to take on new tasks with great results, without reading directions. Maybe I was just lucky. So, without a word (because I knew he’d try to talk me out of it) I went to the garage, filled up our new lawn dispenser with the Turf Builder, and ran all over most of the yard with the seed/fertilizer dispenser. I reviewed my work. I needed more. So I went back to the garage, refilled and repeated the process. That should do it.

I went back in and for some reason, then read the directions. I was supposed to wet the grass first. Check. We had watered the lawn earlier that day. Then I was supposed to water it the next day. I could do that. What I didn’t do was measure it out and set the seed/fertilizer dispenser to a specific setting. The reviews for this product revealed customers whose grass had died when they used it. Fearing I used too much, I ran outside and watered the heck out of the grass, hoping to wash it away or dilute it.

The next morning, the dandelions and crabgrass were dying – so was the grass but it wasn’t bad. I watered the grass again. I didn’t make it back out to the front yard for a couple of days because, you know… we weren’t going anywhere due to COVID and spent much of our time in the backyard with the kids or in the house. When I finally went back out to the front yard again, most of it looked like it had been burned in a fire. It was all gone. I didn’t say anything to Erik. I knew he had seen it. When I finally brought it up days later, he was a better man than me and didn’t rub it in. He just nonchalantly said, “Well, it did it’s job… and then some.”

Shortly afterward, I noticed he was outside spreading grass seed around the yard. Two weeks later, the new grass was growing in full, green and without dandelions or crabgrass!

My first thought was next time, I’ll just be stay in my lane and leave the grass to Erik. But then again, our backyard is pretty bad with the dandelions… and I did ask my husband to work on it two weeks ago…

“Burn it,” my mom advised. Mother knows best.

Tip: If you decide to “burn it”, make sure you rake up the dry grass and aerate before putting down new seeds.

The post Stay in Your Lane first appeared on Xochoble.