We have to remember to take care of OURSELVES! If you are like me, you take care of everyone else but yourself. But what good are we to those we love, if we don’t take a moment to recharge?

I’ve always been a busy body. I inherited it from my mother, who got it from my grandmother. Now, I watch my three-year old daughter carry on the family trait. She is always moving. Yet, her twin brother is content to just… chill, like his father.

Being a full-time mom, working from home (most days) while managing a department, juggling zoom calls and twin toddlers who need attention every waking moment, and serving on three boards, I’ve had to learn to put myself in timeout. I’m discovering that I like the peaceful, quite moments. Plus, I no longer look like Jack Nicholson holding the ax in the latter part of the “Shining”.

Here are some simple steps I take to maintain my inner peace in order to put out positive energy into the world.

1. Be Still. Sometimes, all it takes to recharge, is just to lock yourself in a room for 10 minutes (or longer), with no TV, no phone, no music – and just breathe. Take deep, slow breaths. This is hard for people like me.
2. Remove the Toxic. Whether it’s a person, place, or thing – if it’s toxic, get it out of your life! Toxic people, jobs, situations, only bring you down, make you question your worth and can lead to a road of depression. If it brings negative vibes/energy, drains my energy, or brings me down I dismiss it from my life, or at the very least, I distance. People come into your life for a reason and sometimes, only for a season. Learn from the experience and then move on.
3. Be Easy. I’m extremely hard on myself. The house isn’t clean enough. I didn’t follow through on XX projects fast enough. I haven’t met my physical goals. I haven’t challenged my children enough. The dog doesn’t get walked enough… The list goes on and on. I’ve had to learn to back off of myself and just BREATHE. My aunt sent me a sign to hang in my house that says, “Good moms have laundry piles, sticky floors, dirty ovens, and happy kids.” She didn’t know it but I needed to read it at that time. I’m learning to do what I can, while I can. If I go to bed and have two more loads of laundry unfolded or unwashed, what’s the harm in leaving it? I know I’ll get there… eventually. But harping on what I haven’t done or how inefficient I am, just raises my anxiety and stress level, which isn’t good for the energy I give off as a mom or as a wife.
4. Learn to say “No!” This one is really hard for me. I feel like everyone expects me to be superwoman, so I never say no…  serving on this panel, speaking at this engagement, volunteering at that food pantry, serving on this and that board, knowing I was taking on too much but not wanting to raise the white flag because I was NIKITA! I DON’T FAIL. I GET STUFF DONE! If you are like me, you always want to help, and don’t want to disappoint. However, I realized that when I take on too much, I’m on edge at home and bringing an imbalance to my family. I’m working on it. So, I’ve started to cut back, by withdrawing from some of my volunteer activities, politely declining new ones, and taking things slower pace that works for me, for now.
5. Meditate. If you know me, you know God is the center of my world. I’ve heard that praying is when you talk to God, but meditation is when you listen to God. This is near and dear to my heart because meditation centers me. It’s the one time that my mind quiets down and I force myself to sit still. I connect with the world on a spiritual level and truly feel God’s love and direction.
6. Be a Blessing to Someone Else. “To whom much is given, much is expected” (Luke 12:48). If you’ve been blessed, pay it forward to someone else. When my twins were born, we had so many friends and family giving us baby clothes, toys, gift cards, etc… So when we no longer needed these items, instead of selling them, I gave them away to someone else who could use them. You’ll help someone else and feel good at the same time. Click here for 6 Types of Kick@$$ Charities You’ll Want to Know More About.
7. Do what makes you happy. I used love dancing! Being so busy and trying to adult, I forgot all about it, until I spent my last birthday during the COVID shutdown this past summer. After the cake and presents and my family went to sleep, I stayed up and played old jams from college and danced my butt off. It felt so good and I realized how much I missed that feeling – going to Salsa nights in various cities – and how much joy dancing used to bring me. So, now I play music with my twins and have dance parties on a regular.
8. Walk (exercise.!): I’ve always been physically active. As an adult, running is the activity that I circle back to but I’ve been finding my Zen by walking my dog at least 30 minutes around the block lately. Maybe it’s just me, but there is something about walking in the rain with my dog that just calms me. Pop in your ear (or air) pods, play your favorite music and walk it out.
9. Get a massage. Oh euphoria. I’m living for massages again. It’s my time to let someone pamper me and rub out all of the stress knots that have been building up in my back and shoulders. Okay, so sometimes I snore my way through them, BUT my body certainly knows it’s being relieved of stress and I return home one happy and chilled out mama. Yes, these can be expensive but worth it. They make great Christmas gifts. Plus, some are also found at a good discount on GroupOn.
10. Be grateful. We are not promised tomorrow or the next hour. Life isn’t perfect but one thing it teaches us is that the rain brings rainbows. There are sunny spots in our lives that we need to be grateful for – physical health, clothes on our backs, having someone that loves us, or just having breath in our lungs. Think about what you are grateful for each day. It makes a difference. 
11. Let it Go! I know. Easier said than done, right? There is a song from the 90s by Toni Braxton (yes, I’m dating myself), called Let it Flow. It’s all about letting go of the pain and negativity that may be holding you hostage. Whether it’s a lover’s quarrel, a family dispute, friend drama, work anxiety, or whatever “just let go, let it flow, let it flow…” We can only control what is within our grasp. We can’t control anyone else. Do the best you can, take a deep breath and know everything is going to work out as it should. You only hurt yourself rehashing and holding onto drama. Life is too short. Smile. Work out what you can and move on. You will find that everyone else is ready to move on as well.